The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
RENEGADES, LIZARDS, AND NORSE LEAD STANDINGS AFTER WEEK TWO
PIPS PIPPY BEGINS THE SEASON WITH HEROIC TOUCHDOWN
PIIIIIIIPS PIPPPPYYYYYY!!
Pips! Pips! Pips! Pips! Pips! Pips! Pips! Pips! Pips!
What, you think you can stop Pips? The Pipster? Papa Pips? PLEASE.
Who's on the pitch? ::clap:: Pips is on the pitch! ::clap:: And when Pips is on the pitch he digs a very deep ditch!
Do you know what Pips Pippy calls scoring a touchdown? Thursday.
Do you know what Pips Pippy calls a 27% chance of success? A 100% chance of success. PIPS IS AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE! LET'S GO, PIIIIIIIIPS!
*The MAML Gazette does not show favorites nor endorse any particular player, coach, or team. We have no bias when it comes to our coverage.
Pips Pippy makes three dodges before scoring a touchdown in turn 8, which is naturally no problem for him. However, we do not show favorites nor endorse any particular player, coach or team.
BASH AND STRENGTH LEAD THE CHAOS CUP GOING IN TO WEEK THREE
After two weeks of play, The Fishy Fiends (Chaos Renegades, coach: Ajax) lead Division A, Philosopher's Song (Lizardman, coach: Spire) leads Division B, and O Din! It's Nuffle! (Norse, coach: Clypheous) leads Division C.
The Fishy Fiends and O Din! It's Nuffle! are both 2-0-0 while Philsopher's Song is 1-1-0. The second-place team in Division C, the Dinnerbell Darlings (Dwarf, coach: DougTheMinotaur) are also 2-0-0.
We asked SBever, coach of Wooden Men & Iron Trees, a wood elf team, how they plan to deal with some of the higher strength and higher skilled players on the pitch in this competition.
"L-look, man. I...I didn't know sauruses were that b-big...listen, you gotta get me out of here. I can't survive this!" We asked SBever what exactly he was asking for. "Anything, man. There's a goblin team, right? Can't you get me in contact with their coach, Cobblestorm, and fly me out on a Doom Diver or something? I'm not built for this, man. I'm just a regular human coach! I will get you anything you want: all the gold in the Old World, all the Bugman's Beer you can drink. Whatever it is, man. It's yours! You just need to get me out of here! I'm going to die!"
Unfortunately, the MAML Gazette cannot show favorites nor endorse any particular player, coach, or team. We have no bias when it comes to our coverage. We wish SBever and his team the best of luck, though!
FESTUNG THE BARNACLED TAKING NIGHT CLASSES
The Fishy Fiends lost a touchdown in week two as their ogre, Festung the Barnacled, forgot what he was doing on the pitch.
Darth Pointy Pony, the dark elf of the team, handed off to Festung on turn fifteen in an attempt to give some ball carrying experience to the ogre. However, on turn sixteen, Festung failed to move as he stared in to the sky.
"Coach Ajax upset with Festung", said the ogre. "He send Festung to school in dark time. Festung learn lots."
We asked Festung what he has been learning in night school. "Festung learn not smash ball. Also, ball no for eating. Did you know? Next time, Festung not smash ball. Festung smash ball in to ghoul skull!"
Everyone has to start somewhere. We hope to see an exciting ogre touchdown this season!