The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
LEADERS PULL FURTHER AHEAD GOING IN TO WEEK 6
GOBLINS PETITION THE LEAGUE FOR RADICAL RULES CHANGES
Cobblestorm, the coach for the Goner Gitz, has filed a 112-page petition to MAML officials for drastic rules changes. In the filing, Cobblestorm calls in to question the illegality of chainsaws and bombs.
"This great game has always had a rich tradition of smart tactics and clever play in order to win the day.", argues Cobblestorm. "We've seen knuckledusters, scythes, and laser boots: all legal. What's wrong with a little chainsaw here and there? It's just unfair to disallow them."
Cobblestorm continued: "...and what about bombs? The opposing team can catch one and throw it back! What's illegal about that? Honestly, it would be dumb of us to even give other teams the opportunity!"
Cobblestorm is asking for an immediate injunction in to further league play until the commissioners hold a meeting of the coaches to vote on the legality of chainsaws, bombs, and balls & chains.
We can confirm that play will continue uninterrupted for now. Be sure to always keep up-to-date with The MAML Gazette as we'll be following any changes to this story if the injunction is granted.
...but it won't be.
Kevin Bacon is factually and unequivocally the best Blood Bowl player of all time.
DINNERBELL DARLINGS LEAD THE LEAGUE AND NO ONE MINDS AT ALL
The Dinnerbell Darlings have the best record in the league at 5-0-0 and the entire league is happy for the team.
"It's just really nice to finally see a dwarf team win.", said Ajax, coach of The Fishy Fiends. It's not something you see often.
"If dwarfs can win, then I know a strong roster like ours can also win.", said Nik Saten, coach of Dream a Wish Foundation. "Far too often, you see the likes of halflings, ogres, and vampires at the top of the leaderboard. Knowing a professional actor like Kevin Bacon can also succeed really just gives us the encouragement to make the big plays we need to make in order to win."
It's so nice to see the entire league get behind the Darlings' success in this competition. That on top of Kevin Bacon being the best actor in the world and DougTheMinotaur being the most dashing and sophisticated coach in the league means the Darlings' successes are certain to continue for the next four weeks of regulation play.
In other news, EvaUnit02 bought a new house, two new cars, and an arcade. No one knows where the sudden windfall came from.
CINDY PIEWHISTLE CONTENT WITH SALARY
Cindy Piewhistle earns just 50,000g per game...and she's perfectly fine with that.
We asked Cindy why she's willing to accept such a paltry salary when she could easily command six figures. "Oh, I just really enjoy sharing my explosively delicious baked goods with all of the hardworking players of the league."
We informed Cindy that there are no players who seem interested in one of her baked goods. "Yes, I am aware. They don't just want one burst of flavor. They really want an eruption of TWO baked goods! That's why I'm always mindful to keep an extra on hand for when a player needs an extra dose of pure culinary delight!"
The league has issued an Orange Health Warning to the league for the foreseeable future. All players should prepare for a piquant blown-off limb while Cindy continues to be hired by numerous teams.