The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
SEASON 5 CHAOS CUP BEGINS!
KEVIN BACON HAS A NATURAL SWAGGER
The Dinnerbell Darlings return this season coached by DougTheMinotaur. Kevin Bacon is expected to return as captain of the team.
Bacon was a star runner for the Darlings in past seasons. We asked him why he decided to return to Blood Bowl. "I think of myself more as a workhorse player.", said Bacon. "There are two types of actors: those who say they want to be Blood Bowl players and those who are liars. I call last season the bitter season, because I saw it come and go and not been a member of the club. "
We asked Kevin to expound on that last comment. "I don't believe in God, but if I did I would say that sex is a Godgiven right."
...right, then. We wish Kevin the best of luck in all of his...endeavors this season.
A norseman celebrates after scoring a TD in the preseason.
BEER SHORTAGE ROCKS THE LEAGUE
With three norse teams and one halfling team participating in this season's Chaos Cup, league officials are attempting to import beer to have sufficient stock prior to the season opening.
"These norse teams just plow through the stuff.", said Nik Saten, league commissioner. "It's insane how much beer they consume. This is a professional sport. Players are expected to be focused and really on their game. The current state of affairs is appalling."
He continued: "How are other teams supposed to be on top of their games without enough alcohol to consume? Don't even get me started on those 'fling master chefs! What, are you supposed to not drink when they are cooking up something delicious? Preposterous."
Rumors are circulating that the league has only been able to secure the piss water delicious beverage, Natty Boh, in sufficient quantities for the season opener. Extra riot security is being posted at all stadiums where games are playing tonight.
HUMANS DOUBLE PRESENCE IN THE LEAGUE
Not one, but two human teams are participating in this season's Chaos Cup.
In Division B: Technobabble, Inc. coached by EvaUnit02. In Division C: Imitation Skaven & Nathan, coached by Vengure.
"I never thought this day would come.", said EvaUnit02. "For over six-hundred games, I was the only human coach. Now, I finally have some other humans to show this league what our teams are capable of. I'm so happy, I could hug Vengure."
Vengure, embraced by EvaUnit02, demanded he immediately let go. EvaUnit02 responded, "I know, I know. I'm such a famous human coach that you're a little overwhelmed and embarrassed. I get it." Vengure questioned EvaUnit02's claim. "What's your record with human's again?"
"Huh?", replied EvaUnit02. "Your record.", repeated Vengure."
EvaUnit02: "I can't quite hear you. You're breaking up."
Vengure: "I'm standing right beside you."
EvaUnit02 then made a gesture, seemingly that of a ninja throwing a smoke bomb, backed up against the wall, and slowly shuffled out of the room.
What a true honor it was to witness such grace and humility in our offices. We can't wait to see what these two human teams (but especially EvaUnit02's team) have in store for us this competition!