The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
THE BIGGEST DUNGEONBOWL YET IS ABOUT TO BEGIN
VETERAN COACHES HELP AS DUNGEONBOWL SEES RECORD NUMBER OF TEAMS
This season's Dungeonbowl has a record number of twenty-one participants with five new coaches to the league.
With so many new coaches, veteran league coaches like Clypheous and Ian have been traveling around the Old World to help out these new teams during pre-competition training.
"These new coaches have a few things to learn but all in all, I think they'll start out of the gate strong.", said Clypheous, coach of Nuffle to See Here. "They're forgetting some of the simple tactics of the game such as always taking a bone-headed block, never block when you have the block skill (since the block skill blocks the block action), and never leaving extra movement on the table by failing to rush each and every chance you get."
While Clypheous has been assisting new coaches with their tactics, Ian has been touring the new teams to assist with their strategy. "If you go in to a game not knowing where you need your team to be by the time the finals begin, you can find yourself in trouble.", he said. "I've been trying to teach these coaches that you really want to focus on nothing but passing skills. Fumblerooskie, Cloud Burster, and Safe Pass are absolutely the most important skills in the entire game."
The kindness of this league knows no bounds. We look forward to the new coaches putting these tips to use on the pitch!
Ariana Richards III scores the competition-winning touchdown in overtime.
LIZARDS BACK ON TOP AS CENOZOIC PARK WINS SPIKE! MAGAZINE TROPHY
Cenozoic Park defeated the Real American Heroes in the Spike! Magazine Trophy to earn a top spot in this season's Blood Bowl. This marks the third time Nik Saten will play in the league's championship competition. We asked Nik Saten how he's able to perform so consistently well.
"I'll admit, it's not easy.", said Nik. "It takes a lot of willpower but once you realize Nuffle █████ ████, it becomes easier to just ██████ his ████ ███."
"Nuffle is ████ █ █████ ██ ████ that you really don't have to bother ███████████ ███. Honestly, he can go ███ ██ █ ████. You don't need to worry about ███████ because he never, ever, EVER █████ ███████. EVER."
"Once you realize that, it's a simple matter of ███████████ ██████ instead. Blood for the █████ ███! Skulls for the Skull Throne!"
We at the Gazette cannot condone any of Nik Saten's statements.
EDITOR'S NOTE: The Church of Nuffle, through the Department of Reverence, has redacted portions of Nik Saten's statements citing Old World ordinance against blasphemy.
ELVES PROVE THEY HAVE WHAT IT TAKES IN A BASHY SEASON
Dead Fred and the Real American Heroes gain a Beach Head in the Blood Bowl lower bracket after Duking it out in the Spike! Magazine Trophy final on a Scarlet-colored pitch, despite rolling Snake Eyes on occasion.
The Real American Heroes are just one of two elf teams competing in this season's Dungeonbowl which is full of bashy chaos, orc, and dwarf teams. The Real American Heroes will be looking to Deep Six these teams in a bid to advance to the Blood Bowl upper bracket.
After putting up a good fight against the lizardmen of Cenozoic Park, the Real American Heroes lost in the final, 1-2. We asked Dead Fred if he was ready to pull the Ripcord on pre-competition training and take a Blowtorch to the bashy teams in the upcoming Dungeonbowl. We simply received this reply:
We're not entirely sure why Dead Fred scripted and filmed an entire musical as a reply but such a bold answer proves how confident he's feeling and how Airtight he thinks his chances are!