The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
LIZARDMEN BITE BACK AND ADVANCE TO SPIKE! FINAL
WOOD ELVES MOVE TO BAN COMPUTERS, SUGGEST PBM
Aeric, coach of Elfitus Australis, filed a formal petition this week to ban computers from Blood Bowl competitions.
"They're just not reliable, you know?", said Aeric. Elfitus Australis lost in overtime to the Real American Heroes after an error caused Elfitus Australis to lose what seemed to be a clinched victory.
"There are much more reliable ways of communicating.", continued Aeric. "Whatever happened to play-by-mail? The postal service is super reliable! How does the old saying go? Neither rain, nor snow, nor sweltering heat shall make the postmen roll a 1. Something like that."
"Besides, if you don't account for time passing, then it's just as fast as playing by computer! It's just a better system."
We agreed to pass this idea along to league representatives. We have yet to hear an official response.
Ty Simpkins scores the game-winning touchdown in turn 21 of overtime.
CENOZOIC PARK DEFEATS WHITE SKULL WINDBREAKERS AND ADVANCE TO FINALS
Cenozoic Park defeated the White Skull Windbreakers in overtime, earning a spot in the Blood Bowl. This marks the Windbreakers first defeat this season.
In an exciting semi-final, Cenozoic Park was able to stop a touchdown on turn 24 by Roolag, the #11 Blitzer for the Windbreakers. This was despite a gift imparted to Roolag by a prayer to the great Lord Nuffle. We asked DougTheMinotaur, coach of the White Skull Windbreakers, what went wrong.
"It was outrageous!", exclaimed DougTheMinotaur. "The bribes were non-existent! What sort of game is Blood Bowl becoming if you can't even bribe the officials anymore!?" We confirmed with league commissioners that bribing referees is still a healthy part of this illustrious sport. When we confronted DougTheMinotaur with this information, he responded, "Referees? Who said anything about referees?? The deal with the commissioners was one-hundred dollars per game. Suddenly, in the Spike! semi-finals, they ask for five-hundred dollars. Of course I wouldn't hand that over. How is that fair? Where is the honor this game once had? I long for the days when a coach could bribe a commissioner fair-and-sqaure at the beginning of a season."
While the Gazette is still unsure what a "dollar" is, it seems this may be some lost Nuffle ritual from the days before even the NAF was formed. Be sure to check out future issues of the Gazette as we investigate this seemingly long-lost ritual of Blood Bowl past!
UNDEAD SCANDAL! SBEVER CAUGHT SECRETLY COACHING NECROMANTIC HORROR
SBever is caught in a scandal as photos leaked showing them coaching what seems to be a Necromantic Horror team named the Cumberland Cadavers. We reached out to SBever for comment.
"I have never, ever laid eyes on a Flesh Golem.", said SBever. "I don't know what they look like. I don't know what they do. All I know about Necro teams is that they have werewolves. I don't even like dogs."
Harrison, the #1 mummy for The Dead Poets, is worried about his future with the Poets. "I totally get it.", said Harrison. "I'd want a pair of werewolves on my team too. They're just not...undead enough, you know? Maybe if we could just find one to, you know, die, then we could recruit them and have a stronger team for it. I don't think it's a lot to ask, personally. I really don't understand why so many teams are so stuck up and insist on having living players. Besides, if you're going to call yourselves the Cadavers, the least you can do is be one. It's the respectful thing to do."
With SBever staunchly denying the photos and Dead Poets players fearing for their future, could this spell internal trouble for The Dead Poets in the upcoming Dungeonbowl? Time will tell!