The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
GRIFF OBERWALD DEBUTS IN THE LEAGUE
MORGUES BACKLOGGED FOR SIX MONTHS
After four deaths in the first two weeks of the Spike! Magazine Trophy, fans have been celebrating with deaths of their own. Old World morgues are now consequently backlogged for at least the next six months.
"It's been a very exciting competition.", remarked Dr. Albert Wily, a local apothecary. "Naturally people are going to want to celebrate but folks need to remember to celebrate responsibly. Our morgues can only handle so many corpses. If you're going to celebrate, celebrate in moderation. Kill only one or two friends this week."
Dr. Wily also recommends making an appointment with a local sawbones in lieu of an appointment with a fully-licensed apothecary. "Sawbones can often dispose of bodies when an apothecary isn't available. It won't be pretty but they'll get the job done.", says Dr. Wily.
If Dr. Wily's advice goes unheeded, many celebrations by lizard and elf fans may be shooting themselves in the foot by creating more undead rookies for opposing teams!
Griff Oberwald scores the game-tying touchdown.
ADORING FANS SELL OUT STADIUM AS GRIFF OBERWALD PLAYS IN MAML
Griff Oberwald made his MAML debut this week in the match between Nevva Gonna and the Television Terrors. He was met with roaring cheers and applause by all fans and coaches.
Griff got his career started with the Reikland Reavers and went on to score the game winning touchdown in the NAF's Blood Bowl XXV. Later, he would be promoted to team captain and eventually signed on with the Bögenhafen Barons.
"It's just a dream come true.", said Chyme, coach of Nevva Gonna. "I've always admired Griff and it has been a true honor to play against him in this competition. All coaches should ensure the Television Terrors have enough petty cash to hire Griff each and every game! Don't let this opportunity to see a true legend on the pitch pass you by!"
IS BLOOD BOWL TOO DANGEROUS?
Blood Bowl is a proud game with a long tradition of rules and regulations to help keep the game sporting and safe. Blood Bowl referees go through extensive training to spot fouls and secret weapons in order to ensure the safe play of this illustrious game.
However, Jeph Trundlefoot, seasoned Blood Bowl referee, believes the game is, in fact, too dangerous.
"I can't believe we haven't realized it before.", said Trundlefoot. "It is obvious for all with eyes to see just how dangerous this game is. With all the blocking and the blitzing. All the throwing of goblins and snotlings. All the fouling. All the vomiting. How have we not seen how dangerous this game really is?"
We asked Referee Trundlefoot to explain exactly what he was referring to.
"These pitches aren't well-kempt! Look at the pitches for the underworld teams! There's junk all over the place! How are you supposed to safely kill an opponent with all of these tripping hazards? Something must be done about this!"
Both EvaUnit02 and Nik Saten, league commissioners, have promised Referee Trundlefoot that they will do their absolute best in doing nothing about the issue.