The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
ELVES DO ELF THINGS IN WEEK 4
THE KNIGHTS OF (K)NUFFLE TAKE FIRST PLACE IN DIVISION A
Clypheous, the current league champion, is back in the top spot in Division A after his win over the Bru Meisters this week.
The Knights of (k)Nuffle defeated Malloc73's Bru Meisters this week, 2-0. We interviewed Clypheous on how he approached the game.
"Well, I really took inspiration from Bisquiteen Trisket. He's kind of a hero of mine.", said Clypheous. "Have you seen him? He's a player for Donkey Teeth. Absolutely an all star. There are really no negatives to how he approaches the game. I asked myself, 'What would Bisquiteen do?'"
Clypheous continued, "Each morning before practice this week, I would perform calisthenics that would really root me in place and prevent me from standing up and walking away when the going got rough. It helped me face these chaos dwarfs without fear. Everyone should take a page from Bisquiteen Trisket's playbook because he is clearly the absolute best player in the entire league."
We'll see if this newfound respect and admiration pays off in the coming weeks for Clypheous and his Knights of (k)Nuffle.
Hingle McCringleberry scores the game-winning touchdown for Donkey Teeth.
TREEMEN CONSIDERED BEST PLAYERS IN THE LEAGUE, SAY COACHES
League coaches are unanimously changing their opinion about the mighty treeman after this week's performance by Donkey Teeth.
"Did you see how quickly he took root?", asked Nik Saten, coach of the Carny-vores. "That's confidence. That move struck fear in the hearts of those lizards."
"I just couldn't believe what I was seeing.", said Chyme, coach of the Arendelle Ice Breakers. "The way that treeman only stood up sometimes...that's when I knew I was witnessing majesty."
"Who needs speed when you're forty-feet tall?", asked Merek, coach of the Friendly Neighbor Kaiju. "Truly a dominating player."
It seems that indeed, every single coach in the league agrees that treemen are the best big guys in the entire game of Blood Bowl. We would like to give special recognition to EvaUnit02, coach of The Dead Prezidents, who already knew this to be indisputable fact.
NEW CEREAL APPROVED BY LEAGUE OFFICIALS
A new breakfast cereal hits Old World supermarkets next week.
Named, "Wood Elf Crunchies", the cereal provides marshmallows in the shape of famous league wood elves as well as puffed corn in the shape of wood elf limbs. The cereal promises to allow consumers to "snap, crackle, and pop every bone in a bowl packed with crunchy wood elves!"
Some quotes from excited children who were given a taste test are, "I can't wait to snap Belarnayla in half between my teeth!", "Wow, these are just as brittle as wood elf bones!", and "It'll be just like a real MAML match!"
Wood Elf Crunchies hit store shelves next Tuesday.