The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
LIZARDS AND NORSE TAKE TOP SPOTS IN WEEK 1
THE DEAD PREZIDENTS BUY EXTERMINATION BUSINESS FROM THE KNIGHTS OF (K)NUFFLE
The Dead Prezidents' club has acquired the skaven extermination subsidiary of the Knights of (k)Nuffe.
The Knights of (k)Nuffle divested themselves of the company early this week. Clypheous, the coach of the Knights of (k)Nuffle, said this was a great arrangement for both squads.
"We certainly needed the cash infusion what with all the peasants on the squad.", he said. "The Prezidents will be great stewards of the company and provide excellent services to the Old World."
The Dead Prezidents exterminated nine skaven from the pitch this week.
Coach EvaUnit02 is pleased with the acquisition and shared his thoughts: "This extermination company will be a big boon for us. It was very effective this week and I look forward to learning the ins and outs of skaven extermination in the future. I think the entire Old World will be pleased with what we can accomplish and can look forward to a more skaven-free future."
Neither the Damaged Dragons nor the Arendelle Ice Breakers played live this week. So, here's a picture of a foul on a gutter runner, instead.
DAMAGED DRAGONS BEING SUED FOR FALSE ADVERTISING
The Damaged Dragons finished the week in first place in Division A. A local lawyer says this is illegal.
"The Damaged Dragons won their first game of the competition 3-0. They are by no means damaged.", said Lou Lawless, an Old World attorney. "Their team value is over one and a half million gold, they have twelve players, six cheerleaders, six coach assistants, and an apothecary on the payroll. No one has even sprained an ankle! Tell me, how is this damaged?"
Lawless continues, "When a fan buys a ticket to a game, there is a reasonable expectation that they are buying a ticket to see a damaged team. The team bills itself as damaged and they are clearly not. This is immoral and illegal. I will be filing suit within the coming weeks."
Lawless says he will be asking the court to order the Damaged Dragons to injure at least six of their players and fire their apothecary. "It's the only right thing to do.", said Lawless. "The people have a right to know what they're buying. If you say you're selling cake, I shouldn't get a box of peas. If you say you're selling damaged dragons, I shouldn't see a game full of healthy dragons."
The Gazette will keep readers informed of any news regarding the impending lawsuit.
ARE NORSE TEAMS TOO SULTRY?
Two norse teams have entered the league this season. Some folks are unhappy with how little armor they wear.
Both the Arendelle Ice Breakers and the Mighty Tighty Whiteys are new norse teams to the league. Prudence Prudington, a local Old World dinner manners teacher, is unhappy with how the teams present themselves.
"My word, these trollops prance about the pitch in only their 'tighty whiteys'!", said Ms. Prudington. "It is uncouth! What should our children think? That people can tarnish this fine institution of murder and maiming with this sort of filth? It's unconscionable!"
Ms. Prudington asks all Old World residents to boycott the games of both teams. She also reminds everyone that a fork goes in the left hand.