The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
DETECTIVES ON THE HUNT AFTER WEEK 3 MURDER
ELVES AND DWARFS FINISH STRONG
The Masters of MAML and Dinnerbell Darlings finished week 3 in first place, undefeated in their respective divisions. The Masters of MAML are a dark elf team coached by El Nooberino while the Dinnerbell Darlings are a dwarf team coached by DougTheMinotaur.
With week 4 marking the midway point in Chaos Cup regular play, we asked each coach how they felt about their chances should the two teams meet up in the championship game.
"Those dwarfs? Hah! We'll just run circles around them. What are they going to do, catch us?", said El Nooberino. "Who knows; maybe by then, we'll even hire an assassin especially for them."
DougTheMinotaur had this to say: "Those dark elves? Hah! We'll just bash their fragile little bones in to the grass. What are they going to do, dodge us? Who knows; maybe by then, we'll even hire a second troll slayer especially for them."
It's heart-warming to see two coaches be so civil and polite despite being opponents.
The Themyscira Tervagants lost three players to injury and death against the Dinnerbell Darlings.
DWARFS IMPLICATED IN AMAZON MURDER
Officials are investigating the murder and maiming of three Amazon players last week.
Merek, coach of The Themyscira Tervagants, asked police to investigate and charge the Dinnerbell Darlings with murder and aggravated assault after last week's game. However, police are reluctant, citing a lack of evidence.
"There's really just no evidence of these allegations", said Dirk Daring, detective from the Old World Police Department. "We don't take these allegations lightly but we just have nothing to go on."
Merek told us the police have been hesitant to charge the Dinnerbell Darlings. "They want evidence", he said. "I told them the game was televised. Just watch the game. But all they keep telling me was that they couldn't find anything on the tapes."
The Gazette would like to mention that when we went to the OWPD for an interview, their offices seemed to have hastily removed Dinnerbell Darlings party decorations scattered about. It probably doesn't mean anything, though.
PUBLIC FEARS RISE AT THE POTENTIAL RETURN OF THE LIZARDS
War_horseman's Damaged Dragons advanced in to third place after their win in week 3, renewing concerns about lizards trampling through local towns.
"Oh no, lizards are winning again?", asked local resident, Chip Chipperson. "Remember what happened last year when lizards took over our town? Skinks as far as the eye can see! They would just zip in and zip out, stealing drinks and causing mayhem downtown. They're such a nuisance!"
Christina Chipperson chimed in charmingly while changing her chamfered chamois Chacos, "...and those sauruses! They just push and shove anyone and everyone. One of them even ate my neighbors! They are a scourge and a menace. Someone needs to stop this team dead in its tracks! Or even just dead!"
"If Nuffle wills it, The Dead Prezidents will kill a bunch of them and turn them in to zombies. Then, they'll be slow and shambling and really, kinda sweet."
We at the Gazette recognize that it is incontrovertible that The Dead Prezidents' zombies are sweet and wonderful.