The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
THE DUNGEONBOWL SEMI-FINALS HAVE BEGUN
A MINER MATTER IS A FRAGILE TEAM IN A BASHY CROWD
A Miner Matter makes the cut and advances to the Dungeonbowl semi-finals as an AV 7 team in a sea of strength.
A Miner Matter are underworld denizens: skaven and goblins living together underground, mutated by warpstone.
They had a tough time in the first two competitions of this season. Underworld teams are fragile and the skaven have animosity toward the goblins. Their strength lies in their access to mutations and that requires them to level up before they start to leverage that strength.
A Miner Matter is now worth a TV of 1600 and has a number of mutations, allowing them to make the cut undefeated with a record of 3-2-0.
While they are still fairly fragile, they have a number of players with kill skills (Claw, Mighty Blow) and both throwers are blodgers (Block + Dodge). They've made smart level ups and are now capable of both surviving and killing on the pitch.
A Miner Matter will need to not underestimate their opponents while their opponents will need to not underestimate them. They'll be facing a field of chaos, necro, and orcs in the semi-finals. The first team to drop their guard will find themselves down in players.
A Miner Matter lives underground. They are mutants. They are gross. Wood elves are like, 5000% better in all objective measures, as determined by scientists. -ED. NOTE: Redacted by hand after printing. A rogue individual broke in to our offices just before we went to print.
Jingles All The Way scores in week 5 against Take da Wood, Take da Bad to advanced to the semi-finals.
VENGURE SET TO DEFEND HIS TITLE
After taking a break during the Spike! Magazine Trophy and trading in underworld for orcs, Vengure has made the cut to advance to the Dungeonbowl semi-finals.
Vengure is the current Dungeonbowl champion, winning last season's Dungeonbowl with the Orclund Raiderz.
Jingles All The Way had a stellar showing in this Dungeonbowl with a record of 3-1-1, losing only to A Miner Matter in week one. They will be facing A Miner Matter in the Division A Championship. It is bound to be a top notch and very bashy match-up this time around. The undefeated A Miner Matter. The reigning champions, Jingles All The Way. Who will come out on top?
ORCS ARE SMELLY! NOBODY LIKES ORCS! BELARNAYLA WAS AN ALL-STAR AND A TRUE CHAMPION! EVERYONE LOVES WOOD ELVES! -ED. NOTE: Redacted by hand after printing. A rogue individual broke in to our offices just before we went to print.
TRACKSUIT MAFIA MAKES THE CUT FOR A THIRD TIME
Tracksuit Mafia has made the cut all three times this season but has yet to advance past the semi-finals.
Tracksuit Mafia has an exemplary record of 10-2-5. They lost in each previous semi-final this season to lizard teams. This time, they are facing Pity the Ghoul: a necro team that defeated them in week 5.
Tracksuit Mafia and Pity the Ghoul have faced off three times this season. Tracksuit Mafia has come out on top in two of those encounters.
"If I don't win the Division B Championship, I absolutely 100% swear, this is not a joke, I really did say this: I am going to play Ogres next season", said Merek, head coach of Tracksuit Mafia. -ED. NOTE: Redacted by hand after printing. A rogue individual broke in to our offices just before we went to print.