The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
CHAOS AND UNDERWORLD DOMINATE THE STANDINGS
ANNUAL WITCH ELF AND WARDANCER PARADE BEGINS TODAY
The annual festival of majesty has begun and with it, the parade of witch elves and wardancers.
This is the one time of the year the dark elves and the wood elves come together in harmony to celebrate their strengths as elves.
"Others don't see us as strong folk", said Al'afein, rookie catcher for Take da Wood, Take da Bad. "They think we are frail. Brittle. Delicate. But look at Thatica or RilCaidath! They are each massively strong! We can be strong!"
Al'afein continued, "Even the dark elves can be strong. Look at Megan Thee Stallion! I'll bet she has never skipped a leg day!"
As the elven procession passed by, we overheard BerskrTempest, head coach for Banzai Legends, making this simple comment in response: "I hate elves so much."
Tainted Cocktails beastman, Midori Sour, scores the first touchdown of their week 3 game.
LEAGUE CONSIDERS SHORTENING GAMES TO JUST TURN 16
After a very exciting final turn for many games this week, the league is considering shorting games to just turn 16, says EvaUnit02, MAML commissioner.
"Our statistics show it's where the most action happens in a given game. Why waste all of that time with turns 1-15 when we can just play turn 16, see all of the highlights, and be done?"
He continued: "There are also huge savings to be had in vendor costs, replacement player salaries, and the like. I think this would be a huge gain for both the league and the fandom."
We contacted Nik Saten, also a league commissioner, for his take on the proposal. "Eva just doesn't want to see more of his elves die. Don't worry, I will ensure there will be a full sixteen turns of continued elf killing for the forseeable future."
GFIS MAY BE CONSIDERED ILLEGAL FOR SAFETY REASONS
MAML safety ministers have issued a startling report on the recent rise in GFIs.
The report states that GFI incidents are on the rise despite the league's best efforts at public awareness as to their inherent dangers.
"We've done the math. We know the science. It's not up for debate. GFIs fail precisely 900% of the time. Despite this, players are continuing to GFI and continuing to suffer serious injury", says Will Willerton, Chief Safety Minister for the league.
"We just don't know what else to do. We had a television and radio campaign. We had Sarah Jessica Parker in a PSA about GFIs. We even provided the public with a giant GFI warning button and klaxon. Nothing seems to work. I think it's time we start considering the possibility of making GFIs illegal as a public safety issue."
DougTheMinotaur, head coach for Petting Zoo Players, rebutted: "...I don't think the math works out on that." Mr. Willerton simply replied with this statement: "NINE. HUNDRED. PERCENT."