The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
CHAOS, NECRO, ELVES, AND UNDERWORLD TAKE TOP SPOTS IN WEEK 2
LOCAL ELVES DECLARE HOLIDAY AFTER ZERO DEATHS
Local elves have declared August 9th as "Belarnayla's Day" after not a single elf died in week 2 of the Dungeonbowl.
Elves gathered from all around the area to stand in front of traffic and torment hornet nests as they felt invincible after this notable week.
"Belarnayla is watching over us, snatching us from the jaws of death with his high agility", said Druindar Inadithas. "We are truly blessed by Nuffle on this day."
A few moments later, a giant bat swept away an elf in its massive claws. "...I'm sure he'll be fine", commented Inadithas. "Yeah. He'll be fine."
The beautiful and elegant Sarah Jessica Parker takes to the pitch against A Miner Matter in week 2 of the Dungeonbowl.
LEAGUE SADDENED BY THE LACK OF LOST LIVES
The majority of coaches, players, and MAML staff are saddened by the lack of deaths in the Dungeonbowl thus far.
"I'm hardly motivated to cook", says Doc Greenthistle, a halfling master chef with a booth in Knee-High to Nuffle's Nuffleheim stadium. "I think the best my food can do right now is maybe distract a single assistant coach. Maybe a lineman, if I'm lucky."
Merek, coach of Tracksuit Mafia, is calling on the league commissioners to investigate. "Really? Not a single elf killed? REALLY? How is that even possible? I demand the league ensure that all armor, cleats, spikes, and deathrollers are inspected before each and every match to ensure maximum killing potential, as Khorne wills it! This is blasphemy!"
When reached for comment, EvaUnit02, coach of Take da Wood, Take da Bad, had this to say: "I dunno. I think it's been pretty cool."
NAIL SALONS SEE 1000% INCREASE IN BUSINESS THANKS TO FASHIONABLE CLAWS
With all of the popular chaos teams in the Dungeonbowl this season, fans have been showing off their own claws as a new fashion trend takes off.
Popular with MAML fans this year are long, razor-sharp claws of all colors and designs says Clara Clark, owner of Klaws for Killing, one of the premiere nail salons in the world.
"We've been booked for the next six weeks", she says. "Everyone wants a beautiful set of claws that are capable of killing minotaurs. Neon pink has been a popular color. Some are even getting more complicated designs such as a full picture of Sarah Jessica Parker."
A client of Ms. Clark had this to say: "I just LOVE having purple & blue glittery nails. I've already murdered a troll and not a single nail chipped! Not only that but their blood looks so pretty on my nails!"
Ms. Clark is planning on expanding her business not just to service more clients but also to sell top-of-the-line chainsaws. We look forward to her future expansion!