The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
MUTANTS DOMINATE THE DUNGEONBOWL IN WEEK 1
NEW ANTI-BULLY MEASURES IN PLACE AFTER TRACKSUIT MAFIA MATCH
After Tracksuit Mafia murdered two innocent elves and beat up five more this week, league commissioners have instituted anti-bully measures in the league.
"It's just not right.", said league commissioner, EvaUnit02. "You go in to a game expecting a fair and sporting competition and suddenly, you're up against beastmen with claws, really strong chaos warriors, and minotaurs! While we won't be banning Tracksuit Mafia from the league, they have been put on official notice to be more tolerant of smaller, more fragile teams."
EvaUnit02 hopes the change will allow for more goblin, halfling, and elven teams to participate in the league.
Merek, coach of Tracksuit Mafia, offered no comment but walked away mumbling something about feeding dead wardancers to his minotaur.
Im the Quick scores the first TD of the game for Banzai Legends.
UNDERWORLD TAKES TOP SPOT IN WEEK 1
A Miner Matter and Banzai Legends took the top spot in their respective divisions in week 1 of the Dungeonbowl. Having two underworld teams in the top spot has made other coaches look toward warpstone as a possible tactic for enhancing their team performance.
Segnorsloop, coach of Genus Chaos, seemed unsurprised when we asked his opinion. "It's pure, crystal chaos", he said. "Of course it'll enhance your performance. How could MAGIC not enhance your performance?"
Jingles all the Way coach, Vengure, seems determined to steer clear: "You will never catch my beautiful, luscious orcs embedding that garbage in their skin. Revolting. How would we get any clothing sponsorships?"
One thing is certain: both game-to-game tactics and gold procurement are important aspects of the game. It'll be interesting to see how coaches plan to adapt their strategies around a lust for, or abhorrence of, warpstone.
SARAH JESSICA PARKER SEEKING FIRST BLOOD BOWL TOUCHDOWN
Sarah Jessica Parker, famed actress turned Blood Bowl player, is seeking her first touchdown in her new Blood Bowl career.
Nik Saten, coach of Nurgle Burgle Boyz, said: "Sarah's shaping up to be a really strong player. Sure, people might take issue with her speed and her agility but I think she has what it takes to make it across the goal line. I would be surprised if she doesn't score at least once this competition."
Mrs. Parker shared her excitement for being in the Mid-Atlantic Mauling League with this inspirational comment: "BLARRRRGH BLARRRRRGGGFFFTTTHT BLAAAAA ::hack:: BLLLEEEEEEEEECH".