The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
LIZARDS SCORE BIGGEST GAME TD DIFF IN LEAGUE HISTORY
WHO CAN STOP TRACKSUIT MAFIA?
Tracksuit Mafia defeated Take da Wood, Take da Bad with a Turn 16 touchdown to win 2-1 and increase their record to 4-0-0.
We interviewed EvaUnit02, head coach of Take da Wood, Take da Bad about his thoughts on the game and Tracksuit Mafia's chances in the Spike! Magazine Trophy this year.
"We're doomed. WE'RE ALL DOOMED! Can't you see? They don't care about anyone. They're chaos! IT'S IN THEIR NAME! They will tear you asunder and there's nothing anyone can do about it!"
EvaUnit02 continued amid sobbing, "Can...can you hear that? That's right. It's nothing. The sound of silence. Pure, distilled nothingness. That's where they send you, you know. They just crack you over the skull and then BOOM! You don't exist anymore. You are nothingness."
All of us here at The MAML Gazette wish the best of luck to both Merek as he tries for a perfect competition and EvaUnit02 as he tries to get counseling.
In the swealtering heat, Kai of Hautl scores touchdown #4 for A Reptile Dysfunkshun.
A REPTILE DYSFUNKSHUN ADVANCES TO 2ND PLACE THANKS TO WARLOCK HYPNOSIS
A Reptile Dysfunkshun defeated Tainted Cocktails by a score of 4-0, catapulting them in to second place at the end of week 4.
"We tried a new training regiment", said Greg Gurgleson, offensive coordinator for A Reptile Dysfunkshun. "We hired a warlock to hypnotize our players in to thinking they were skaven. I didn't believe it would work at first but look at the results! I mean, a Turn 16 ball pickup with a saurus to a TD? With no TRR? It's amazing!"
A Reptile Dysfunkshun was reluctant to provide the name of the warlock who performed this service. "It's a closely guarded secret. We wouldn't want other teams gaining this advantage. You understand", said Nik Saten, head coach of A Reptile Dysfunkshun.
Genus Chaos are reportedly very interested in who this mysterious warlock is and are actively pursuing his identity.
War_horseman, head coach of Genus Chaos, had this to say: "Look, I'm not saying we're going to spy or perform espionage against A Reptile Dysfunkshun. I'm just saying if we were to do so, we would probably pay off Play it by Nuffle yesterday with exactly 315,833 gold to infiltrate that stupid lizard team because they are goblins and they are sneaky." War_horseman continued, "...and then if we were to do that then maybe we'd bribe the warlock to convince those lizards that they are halfings or vampires or something."
Clypheous, head coach of Play it by Nuffle, had no comment. He simply rubbed his hands together and snickered.
LOTS OF DIVERSITY IN CURRENT TOP 4
In this bash-heavy competition, the top 4 going in to Week 5 of the Spike! Magazine Trophy are very diverse. Chaos, Lizardman, Necromantic, and Wood Elf comprise the top four teams with just one week left in Swiss play.
League commissioners had this to say about the diversity on display: "It's beautiful, simply beautiful to see that even amongst such a strength-heavy field this year, a wide range of teams and archetypes can make it to the top. It's a testament to how hard work and a creative spirit can overcome any adversity in this illustrious game."
We interviewed the top four coaches to get their opinion:
"I want nothing to do with Tracksuit Mafia! Get that bashy team away from me!", said Nik Saten, coach of A Reptile Dysfunkshun, currently in 2nd place.
"It is unreasonable how bashy that lizard team is!", said Merek, coach of Tracksuit Mafia, currently in 1st place.
"Have you seen those flesh golems on that necro team? They're insanely bashy!", said EvaUnit02, coach of Take da Wood, Take da Bad, currently in 4th place.
"How on Earth are those wood elves making hits and surviving hits? They are too bashy!", said Dead Fred, coach of Pity the Ghoul, currently in 3rd place.
We look forward to how the various play styles will interact in the upcoming week's matchups.