The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
LIZARD SCOURGE TEMPERED!
TRACKSUIT MAFIA RETAINS TOP SPOT
Merek's Tracksuit Mafia stays in first place this week with a record of 2-0-0.
At a press conference, we asked Merek how he was feeling about his place in the standings. He had this to say, "Claws. Mighty Blow. Piling On."
A colleague at another publication asked Merek how he felt about his chances for making the cut in this competition. "Claws. Mighty Blow. Piling On", said Merek.
In fact, Merek just stood at the microphone chanting, "Claws. Mighty Blow. Piling On." for fifteen minutes. After the press conference, we all understood perfectly well the answers to our questions.
A miner matter heroically weilds a chainsaw to foul A Reptile Dysfunkshun's downed saurus.
LEAGUE BREATHES A SIGH OF RELIEF AS THE LIZARDS ARE GIVEN A STERN TALKING TO
The Mid-Atlantic Mauling League enters week three a little more at ease as both A Reptile Dysfunkshun and Pips Pippy Fan Club were given stern words in this week's games.
"We were just tired of them murdering us all", said Artificialbunny, coach of A miner matter. "I thought to myself, 'has anyone just asked them to stop?'" Artificialbunny was seen talking to Nik Saten on the sideline before their match this week. Nik Saten apparently took the words to heart.
EvaUnit02, coach of Take da Wood, Take da Bad, took Artificialbunny's lead in his game against Pips Pippy Fan Club. "Artificialbunny is just a hero to us all", said EvaUnit02. "I decided to just ask El Nooberino if he wouldn't mind not killing my players this week and to my surprise, he had no problem with the request!"
When both Nik Satan, coach of A Reptile Dysfunkshun, and El Nooberino, coach of Pips Pippy Fan Club were reached for comment, they simply exchanged a knowing smile with each other and said this: "We'll give them a week to gain SPP. Then, we'll slaughter them all and be ahead by that much more! MUAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAA!"
Neither coach has stopped cackling since we spoke with them.
SPIKE! MAGAZINE ISSUE 14 BREAKS ALL PERIODICAL RECORDS KNOWN TO MAN
Spike! Magazine #14 went on sale this week and has already broken all magazine records, says Games Workshop representative, Fibs Fibberton.
Fibberton went on to say, "This issue has sold more magazines than any other magazine in the history of mankind!" When we were about to ask for a source, he continued, "It also broke the record for most colorful magazine ever colored!" We mentioned that we could think of a few comics that were more colored but Fibberton interrupted, "...and the content? Voted Most Likely To End World Hunger by the UN!"
We feel Spike! Magazine is a fantastic magazine but we've been unable to verify these claims.
Fibberton concluded our interview with this statement: "This issue is in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most beautiful-smelling magazine ever produced! Be sure to check it out!"