The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
DEATH IS CANCELLED! FAR ALBION CUP PROMISES LONG LIVES AND HEALTHY PLAYERS
MOOB ENJOYING REIGN AS CHAMPION, MOSTLY BY REMINDING EVERYONE
The NC Snakes won the MAML Season 5 Championship in kicks this season, winning Moob their first MAML championship, a fact they have confirmed to us eleven times, twice unprompted, and once by text at 3:00am.
"The hardest part of being champion is staying humble.", said Moob, while posing for a portrait with the trophy. "I work on it every morning. I look in the mirror and say, 'You're just a regular coach.' Then the mirror says, 'No, you're the MAML champion.' And who am I to argue with a mirror? Mirrors reflect the truth, after all."
Moob has petitioned the league to have every future match decided in kicks, "just to save everyone some time."
At press time, the Gazette had received a twelfth confirmation of Moob's championship, this time hand-delivered by a skink. The skink dodged past three editors, a mail clerk, and the coffee machine, slid a note under the editor's door, and was gone before anyone could lay a hand on it. The note read, simply, "Still champion."
The NC Snakes win in kicks in a photograph provided by the team.
FAR ALBION CUP PROMISES ALL OF THE VIOLENCE, NONE OF THE PAPERWORK
The Far Albion Cup is unlike anything the league has run before. As a resurrection competition, every coach builds a team once, up front, and that same team takes the pitch every game. Players don't earn SPP, teams don't earn gold, and injuries don't carry over. Even dead players are back on their feet for the next match, fully healed and ready to be killed again.
"It's the purest form of Blood Bowl.", said EvaUnit02, commissioner of MAML. "No more spreadsheets tracking which ogre has a niggling injury. No more funerals. We can finally give necromancers the full-time contract they've always deserved."
Not everyone is celebrating. The Old World Apothecaries' Guild has called the format "a direct threat to everyone who has ever put a bandage on a decapitation."
Strategists note that, for the first time, coaches will have absolutely no reason to protect their key players. Strategists also note that this is how most MAML coaches were already playing.
Stay tuned to the Gazette for more details as the first kickoff of the Far Albion Cup approaches!
SBEVER DEMANDS TO KNOW WHY DEATH WAS OPTIONAL THIS WHOLE TIME
News of MAML's new resurrection competition, in which dead players return at full health for the next match, has been met with excitement across the league. SBever is not excited, however. SBever is furious.
"Five seasons!", said SBever. "Five seasons of watching my players get mauled into the turf, and the whole time, the league could have just brought them back? This is an outrage!"
SBever, now coaching a halfling team, has since published a new study which finds 100% of dead halflings polled would have preferred not to die. "The response rate was low.", SBever admitted. "However, you can trust that this is good science."
The league had an official reply: "Nobody looked at SBever's study and nobody even looked at SBever when he came in here. That's called a double-blind study and that's just good science."