THE SILENT D ASKS EVERYONE TO PLEASE STOP PRONOUNCING THE D
SBEVER ASKS LEAGUE TO DISREGARD EVERYTHING HE SAID ABOUT KILLS
In the last issue, SBever demanded that kills in the Far Albion Cup be made permanent, after his halflings killed a thrall for Nosfera-WhoToo?. On Sunday, the Weyland-Yutani Rejects lost 2-1 to the Toonami Tongue Tacklers, who killed Shaw, a catcher for the Rejects.
SBever has since asked the league to bring Shaw back immediately. "That's different.", said SBever. "When we kill someone, that's just Blood Bowl. When someone kills us, that's a tragedy.
SBever has published a new study finding that 100% of halfling catchers killed on Sunday would like to keep playing Blood Bowl. The study polled one coach. "Shaw would have said yes.", said SBever. "I asked her before the game, just in case. That's called a last will and testament, and you have to honor it. That's just proper legal procedure."
SBever has proposed a compromise: kills by his team are permanent, and kills against his team are not. The league has agreed to bring Shaw back, as it does for every dead player in the Cup, and SBever has declared it a personal victory.
Djohn scores, in what the team has asked us to report as a "touchown."
THE SILENT D TAKES FIRST PLACE, ISSUES PRONUNCIATION GUIDE
The Silent D beat Human Resources 2-1 on Sunday to stay perfect at 3-0 and take sole possession of first place in the Far Albion Cup. After the game, coach james_likes_snax handed the Gazette a pronunciation guide and asked us to publish it.
"The D is silent.", said james_likes_snax. The Gazette asked which D. "Keep it down!", demanded the coach before replying, "all of them."
Courtesy of The Silent D:
Django: Jango
Djohn: John
Djorge: George
Djembe: Jembe, "like the drum"
Dzephyr: Zephyr
Dzachary: Zachary
The Silent D: The Silent
Djohn ran for 57 yards, scored a touchdown and caused a casualty, and Djembe scored the other touchdown off a hand-off. Djuna, Dzephyr and Djacob caused a casualty each, and Djiambic was named MVP for 11 blocks. Djacob was sent off for fouling. He did not argue the call. He did not say anything at all.
Human Resources did not suffer a defeat on Sunday, according to the team, but an "efeat," which it says is just as bad but much quieter.
The Gazette is happy to honor the team's request, an we look forwar to The Silent's next game!
OUR STAFF HURTS ALL CLAIMS 7-3 WIN, COUNTING THE STUFF THAT MATTERS
Our Staff Hurts All lost 3-0 to Skaven for Sneakers on Saturday. Our Staff Hurts All, however, disagrees.
"Khorne does not count touchdowns.", said BRSRKRTempest. "Khorne counts skulls." By that measure, Our Staff Hurts All won 4-3. Written Warning caused two casualties, and Excessive Force and Corrective Action caused one each.
Asazeshin 'Eyeglass', Presh 'The shadow of Morrslieb' and Okliss 'The grey prophet' scored a touchdown each, which BRSRKRTempest called "a lot of running around." In addition, the skaven made 17 of 20 dodges. "Khorne does not dodge.", BRSRKRTempest explained. "Khorne takes hits and hits back."
Final Warning suffered a smashed knee, Gross Misconduct was seriously hurt, and Human Resources, a beastman, suffered a serious injury. "Those count for us too.", said BRSRKRTempest. "Khorne cares not from whence the blood flows." Counting the team's own three casualties, BRSRKRTempest now puts the final score at 7-3.
We at the Gazette are pretty sure that't not how the competition works, but we're not going to be the ones to tell them.